The Power of Friends
Acts 16:19-34
A man was parked in front of the carwash, wiping off residue from his windshield after going through the wash. Across the parking lot he saw a disheveled man approaching. Something inside him told him to be ready to be pan-handled. Sometimes you feel generous and sometimes you don’t want to be bothered. This was one of those times he didn’t want to be bothered.
The disheveled man sat down on the curb in front of the bus stop. After a few minutes he spoke. “That’s a very pretty car.” He was ragged, but he had an air of dignity about him.
The first guy didn’t want to engage too much so he didn’t look up when he replied, “Thanks,” and continued wiping off his car. He was waiting for the pitch but it didn’t come and as the silence between them widened, something inside him said, “Ask him if he needs any help.”
“Do you need any help?” the man asked.
The answer came as a complete surprise. “Don’t we all?” the ragged man said.
Those three little words rang in his ear. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you still need help at times. We all do. And no matter how little you have, no matter how weighed down you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you still have something to give. We all do. Even if it’s just a compliment, you can give that. You never know when you may see someone who appears to have it all but needs exactly what you have to give.
Or consider this: Two friends were walking through the woods when they heard something crack behind them. They turned around and saw a huge bear coming toward them. Both started to run, when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes.
The second guy said, “You don’t have time to change shoes. You can’t outrun that bear!”
The first said, “I know I can’t. I only have to outrun you!”
Two different approaches of how to live in the world – two different narratives about what it means to be a friend.
The jailer in our scripture lesson probably assumed all the prisoners in his care would turn on him in a heartbeat. Imagine being awakened out of a deep sleep to a sudden earthquake that releases everyone you are personally responsible to secure. His only option, he thought, was to take his own life before the authorities did it for him. But Paul and Silas stop him. They treat him like a friend, not a jailer. “We’re all here. Don’t harm yourself.” The result was that the jailer’s world was transformed by their act of kindness. Everyone around him, including his family, discovered a new way to live in the world. This was the power of early Christianity that was said to “turn the world upside down.” It wasn’t about forcing people to believe certain creeds, imposing baptism on unwilling participants or following certain rules. It was about treating each other with respect, dignity and care.
I was driving up to Moose Lake last Sunday afternoon listening to NPR and they had a story about a book Bruce Feiler wrote, entitled, “The Council of Dads.” Bruce was diagnosed with bone cancer and there was a great possibility that he would not survive his illness. Among his greatest concerns were his twin daughters who were very small at the time. How would his illness and possible death impact their lives? What questions would they have after he was gone? How could he make sure they had the guidance and insight of a father? Bruce decided to ask six of his most trusted male friends to become a council of dads for his daughters when he was no longer present to fulfill that role. In a very moving story, he tells how this request raised questions and opportunities among his male friends and his wife over how such an arrangement would operate. He chose specific friends to carry specific roles – the decision dad, the travel dad, the “future boyfriend discussion” dad, and so forth. Fortunately, Bruce’s treatment has so far been successful and he is presently cancer free but this collection of friends he gathered continues to provide support and strength to him and his family. If you have a chance I would encourage you to go to the Minnesota Public Radio website and listen to the archived interview.
Do you need something? We all do. Do you have something to give? We all do. That is why we are on this faith journey together… with people who are friends.
Several years ago the state of California mandated that all school employees were required to have a high-school degree or its equivalent. The students and staff at Calahan Street Elementary were understandably upset when they learned that their beloved custodian, Richard Donato, who had served the school for years might be let go. Donato had dropped out of high school and he wasn’t sure he could pass the equivalency exam. If he failed, he would lose his job.
The students and teachers of Calahan Street Elementary weren’t about to let that happen. They began to encourage him and remind him to study hard, just as he had always encouraged and reminded them. Each applicant had five tries to pass the test. The first four times Donato took the test, he missed a passing grade by just a few points. He had one more chance. Things were getting desperate. The teachers and students wrote the school administrators, telling them what a great custodian he was and how much they all liked him. Surely, they thought, the school could make an exception.
Then, the day before he was to take the test for the final time, someone discovered a loophole in district policy: employees who had worked in the district for ten years or longer didn’t have to fulfill the equivalency requirement. Donato didn’t have to take the test to keep his job. But deep inside, he knew he did. All those years he had encouraged the students to keep on trying and giving their best. What kind of example would he be if he was not willing to do the same? The next day, Richard Donato showed up to take his high‑school equivalency exam for the final time... and he passed.
There is something that happens within us when we know we have others pulling for us, praying for us, willing to help us. It emboldens our spirits. And conversely, there is something detrimental that happens within us when we feel mistrusted, belittled or not appreciated. It diminishes our spirits.
The spiritual truth of all of these stories is that the power of love, care and trust we offer to another has great benefits to make the other person’s life better – and as a result – to make the world a better place for all of us. There is nothing magical about being people of faith who offer our friendship to others. There is something transformative about it.
There is an anonymous saying that, “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.” My prayer for all of us is that we find those kinds of friends for our own lives and that we become that kind of friend for the people in our lives.
Sources:
www.homileticsonline.com Supercharged Friendship, May 2010.
Dennis McCarthy in Los Angeles DAILY NEWS. Cited in “Heroes for Today,” Reader’s Digest (November 1997), 49‑50.
http://brucefeiler.com/books/the-council-of-dads/