Laying Down Stones 5
Boundary Stones
Proverbs 23:9-12 (NIV)
So far in this Wednesday night series we have talked about throwing stones, pillar stones, idol stones, and stone dreams. Tonight we look at one of the most ancient uses of stones – boundary stones. (read Proverbs 23:9-12) Stones were some of the most permanent markers used in the ancient world to mark the boundaries of property. That makes a lot of sense. If you used a bush, the plant could die. If you used a tree, someone could cut it down. A river can change course. Even fences can be knocked down. Heavy stones were more difficult to move and gave the impression of permanence.
Moving someone’s boundary stone was the same as stealing someone’s land. This was particularly loathsome when the land belonged to someone vulnerable. (Deuteronomy 19:14; 27:17) Even the oldest book in the Bible, the book of Job talks about the wickedness of moving boundary stones in the ancient world. (Job 24:2) The assumption, of course, is that the reason for moving a boundary stone was to benefit the mover and not the property owner.
Those of us in recovery discover quickly how important it is to place our boundary stones well. Many of us never learned how to set boundaries for ourselves, often because we felt worthless or undeserving of the respect that comes from healthy boundaries. On the road to recovery we learn that these boundaries prevent us from falling back into old habits, or getting overwhelmed by triggers that begin a downward spiral. Particularly when we are new in recovery, the clearer the boundary, the better chance one has to build a sober life.
In faith, it seems the opposite has been the problem. Many people of faith – Christians, in particular – seem to base their faith entirely on making sure the boundaries are clearly marked for the purpose of deciding who is “in” and who is “out.” They can be worse than a bad imitation of “Project Runway” host Heidi Klume. You’re in. You’re out! Auf Wiedersehen! You can tell by the kinds of boundary stones people set whether they are setting those boundaries out of love or out of fear.
When we set our boundaries out of fear – instead of using boundaries as healthy guidelines for understanding how to live with integrity and care – they become absolutes that differentiate between the chosen and the lost. This reveals a very immature understanding of faith. As we mature in our faith journey (as we grow in our understanding of love) we increasingly understand the importance of knowing our limits – what we can control and what we need to leave to God – which is essential for spiritual health. But we also learn how to help others and ourselves identify our boundary stones and know when the stones need to be moved outward to expand our understanding.
Our job as Christians is not to set the boundary stones for others. Our job as Christians is not to set our own boundary stones in such a way that we encroach on the domain of the vulnerable. Our job as Christians is not to use boundary stones to mark the orthodoxy, the value or the validity of another’s life. Those uses have all the marks of fear.
No, our job as Christians is to become aware of the limits of our personal influence, to know where we must relinquish control to grace, and how to help others move the stones which no longer fit the shape of their faith. Those uses have all the marks of love.
Jesus was constantly asked these kinds of questions. What are the rules? What are the limits? At what point is punishment appropriate? Who gets to cast the first stone? At every point, Jesus would re-define the boundary from a fear-based rule to a love-based principle. “You without sin, cast the first stone.” “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” “Love God with your entire heart, strength and mind.” “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Tonight as we come to lay down our stones, perhaps you are at a point where you need a clear boundary. You know there are behaviors or impulses that are deadly for your spirit. Where do you need to place your boundary stone? What do you need to exclude from your life right now so you can heal?
Perhaps you are at a point in your life where the boundary stones someone else imposed upon you are too small. Their rules and expectations constrain you from being authentic. Maybe you still struggle with self-hate or fear. It’s time to move your own boundary stone to a new place. What would that look like for you?
Maybe you are at that wonderful place where your boundary stone and the boundary stone of another are starting to merge. There is someone with whom you want to join your life and build towards the future. Where would you need to place your new boundary stones within this relationship?
Sources:
www.crosswalk.com
http://www.guidetopsychology.com/boundaries.htm